My Name
by Landarma
Summary: Certain character talks about his name. Some reference to Kabbalah. Short, and somewhat pointless. PG13 is just safe


My Name

Warning: Possible Grammatical error and misspelling.

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I only own this fanfic.**

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_Ten Sephiroth of Nothingness: Ten and not nine; ten and not eleven. Understand with Wisdom, and be wise with Understanding. Examine with them and probe them, make a thing stand on its essence, and make the Creator sit on his base._

_- Sepher Yetzirah 1:4_

_Ten Sephiroth of Nothingness:Their measure is ten which have no end. A depth of beginning, a depth of end; a depth of good, a depth of evil; a depth of above, a depth below; a depth east, a depth west; a depth north, a depth south. The singular Master, God faithful King, dominates them all from His holy dwelling until eternity of eternities._

_- Sepher Yetzirah 1:5_

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Let me talk about my name, although this name means nothing to me. You can say my name, 'Sephiroth' is from something holy, or whatever. Yes, it means emanations from 'unknown' essence of God, known attributes of God to human. Yet, It also means 'Numbers', the mystify numbers. Can you see why I tell about 'it' as plural? Well, the word itself is plural, and its singular form is 'Sephirah'. Sounds like girly, huh? In fact, this word is feminine. No, do not misunderstand me, it's so-called grammatical gender, not natural gender. I don't know why they gave me this name, nor I want to know. You see? I don't give a damn at all. 

For several years, my name was more than a name, it was.... yeah, it was once synonymous with power and glory of Shin-ra Inc. But now, after I fell from my former glory, I, and my name became the target of blame, and object of fear. Under Jenova's(Damn bitch) influence, I thought to become god, but only failed, as you know. But that doesn't change my name's meaning, I mean, its original meaning. A mere attribute went after the godhood....... Hah, what a nonsence. It's not possible, yes.  


Maybe it will suit me as my name, the imbalanced side of 'them', called Qeliphoth(means 'shells'), the true evil. The unbalanced aspects, which form the Infernal Tree(The inversion of 'Tree of Life'). In some way, I was, like that. A horribly wronged one, who lost one's emotinal balance, fell into the madness. That was I.

Now, let me tell you about me and those 'attributes'.

The Supreme Crown, the first briliance, 'I am exist as I am', so close to Godhood, yet it means nothing to me now. I couldn't fly high so with this imperfect wing.

Wisdom, that I don't have yet. Of course, you cannot get it easily. It is growing with ages, however, not all of you can get it...

Understanding or Intelligence.... Although I thought I was intelligent, I was so fool believing those lies so easily. I cannot be the Supreme Intelligent. And there are the things that I can't understand yet...

Mercy, which is lacking for me. I tried to act a good man, but my behavior, always lacked in it. Can you see? Whenever I tried hard, I felt something's wrong. Tell me. What is love? What is mercy?

Power, was I. It suits me well. People say, 'Might makes Right.'. Yes, Power makes Justice, and it's so severe. But once it takes wrong path, Fear is born. Power without Mercy, that was I, that was Shin-ra Inc. And both are ruined, now.

Beauty. The real beauty is only born from the balance of Mercy and Power. 

Victory, what I had held, but no more. Before defeated by Cloud and his comrades, I already lost to Jenova.

Glory, also what I had held, but no more now. What I had held, was false one. And now, I'm far from even that false one..

Foundation, without it, anything you do is, a castle on the sand. I knew it, but what's the matter?

The Kingdom, The Divine Immanence, which I pursued, yet reached. No, I won't try it again. The pursuit of Godhood, made me like this, rotting in hell....

But, what does all matter now? I said, my name means nothing to me. Now I'm here, bottom of the hell, far from my former glory.... And, once again, I don't give a damn.

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Evil Authoress L's note: I suggest, searching Kabbalah sites to find out about 'it'. And this fanfic is somewhat pointless.


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